Well, I had the lumpectomy and the sentinel lymph node removed. Two weeks out and still sore and scars are bigger than I thought they would be. Margins clear and benign on the node. Besides the papillary carcinoma, they also found a small invasive lobular cancer. Wasn't expecting that and concerns me on what else they are missing. Radiologists having a hard time telling what is going on due to the density of my breasts. MRI's and other scans I do yearly and probably will be doing e every 6 months for awhile cannot catch them. Have had 5 benign breast biopsies in past.
Scheduled in next 2 weeks with a radiation oncologist and medical oncologist for hormone therapy due to the new finding of cancer.
Would have been easier if had not gotten compressed nerve in neck, upper respiratory infection, bronchitis/asthma and all the side effects of steroids and antibiotics to treat these before even had the surgery. Been sick a solid month in one form or another. Plus, had all these other appointments before surgery. Dye, lymphedema therapy, radioactive tracer placed in the breast, doctor appointments, pre-op etc. Grateful I was able to go to therapists and decompress some of the stress during all of this too.
I thought it was going to be easy. It wasn't easy at all. Lots of decisions and stressors. Been busy healing.
On the mend now. Tired of course. Rage raised up and outward in the last week or so. Wanting to be known and accepted after being pushed down since Mid February. Moved from frustration to tolerance to anger to negativity and finally rage. Friends and family have been quite kind and supportive. Am glad we have people and that we did not pop off to medical personnel through this process. Actually, parts did amazingly well.
When I had stage 3 colon cancer surgery and chemo 15 years ago, I just decided why not me? What would make me so special not to get cancer? Seems only fair and am lucky to be alive. Now, there are teen parts who are majorly upset about it being unfair. Plus, have worked hard in therapy over last 20 years and is still plenty more to do. They are thinking that there will be no life left to live if and when get through all of it. Learning this is life.
Will ask for whole body PET/CT scan and thyroid scan to check for other cancers due to my history before agreeing to treatment on breasts. Had a bone scan and it was clear so that was good also. Worried about the heart with afib now and lungs. Technology on radiation has gotten better in last decade on pinpointing the beams away from those organs. Have some major worries inside.
Lots more listening, learning and deciding to do in the next 2 or 3 weeks. Considering all the circumstances-we are doing well.
Been listening and practicing a lot of Tara Brach online. I do think the rage is good to have because they tell people we are to mean to die.
Thanks for reading and hope everyone is doing well as they can considering their own circumstances.