i just had a call with someone from the hospital program. wow, she talked to me for 20 mins. we arranged this phone call after i contacted her and her phone kept cutting out repeatedly so she arranged a time to call me. it sounds like she set aside time to talk to me but she just wanted to give me lots of info. which was really helpful. but i didnt get time to think or talk back really. im feeling scattered today so that didn't help. i contacted her cos i contacted the referral that the recent T sent me and i tend to contact 2 at a time cos i don't handle waiting on 1 person very well and put so much pressure onto them and myself.
she gave me 3 peoples names in my city but said she can't vouch for anyone as she doesn't know them. then she went on to summarise the landscape in sydney. she said there are 3 main training institutions who would recognise and help with DID. she said it sounds like im more comfortable with ISSTD (and im embarrassed by how much ive already told her about me in email) and they have the phased approach to trauma which she would recommend that i seek out. but she knows that would have to be in sydney. she said shes trying to think of someone who would go to the international conferences or be involved but the ones she knows are either retiring or not taking anyone for a long time. she did give me someone's name who might "talk to me" though, and said they'll probably try to refer me to herself but she is not taking new longterm clients and definitely not over skype. and that she needs to balance her caseload (lol, thanks for being honest. it was such frank and open info for 20 mins im so glad to have some clarity for once). she recommended that i get on the waiting list for the hospital program. even though the program strongly seemed to recommend me not go on there, when i spoke to them. she said get on there as it will be 2+ years anyway and i can drop out later if it's fine by then. it really gives me the sense that options are limited elsewhere and to be prepared to wait that long. she said the program is 1 or 2 years on twice a week therapy, and that they are getting strict and i probably will be on the 1 year timeframe. after that, some patients stay with the therapist into private practice and negotiate a fee. i forgot the details but i think the program is done by highly supervised interns and when they graduate they take some of their clients with them. that would make sense then that they'd have a list of recent graduates in a spreadsheet. she said people from the program would be familiar with dissociation and at least be familiar with the trauma model and she kept mentioning the person who heads all that whom my T was referred to so i really hope i dont sound like a fan who's just trying to get close to this guy. i'm definitely not a fan. idk why im so ashamed/embarrassed of the possibility of giving that idea.
She said then there's the psychoanalytic society. She assumed i've not met an actual analyst but i said i have and told her about MB and she asked me to name her so i did but i feel cringey about that now. i didn't do analysis with her but she has primarily an analytical background and everything else is in an analytical framework ultimately. she's trauma informed and i said i dunno how to approach therapists who aren't but who appear confident with DID (thinking of old T's T, as well as one that i didnt end up seeing) but there are so many things between parts that im afraid for it to be de-emphasised so much that the real dangers aren't seen. She said the hospital program would have a big emphasis on safety (not quite what i meant but i didnt have the chance to talk more) and establishing that first. and that analysts might have a different way of approaching dissociation that's not as detailed as ISSTD if i'd come to expect that sort of thing, but they might have a bigger picture without talking to alters so to speak and just work with whats there. well i'm wary of that without all the safeguards and proactive efforts to engage with parts or to at least be aware of "who/how/why" they might be, without them having to make themselves obvious. Some things can be preempted and there are deeper principles underlying all those parts than "well stay safe and be stable and steer clear of abuse".... but anyway i didn't get to say that as she wrapped up and told me she has to go.
But im writing it here for my own record and memory. and words in case i need to use em!
man i so dont wanna spend energy on this anymore. but when things are here i guess i sort of dont want to miss out either.
she recommends getting on the hospital waiting list, speaking to and trying to work with the people she mentioned in my city, talking to the 1 person from ISSTD who "may be able to talk to me" about my next steps but definitely not take me, and checking out another program that is associated with the analytic training institution that assesses people before referring them to someone suitable within their area. the assessment process takes a few months or more of waiting so she said get onto that too.
hm. its all kind of, i dunno, "get onto everything!!"
i might just sit here inactive for a bit
in other news my work team is having massive changes and i really feel like EMBRACE THE UPHEAVAL WOOHOO