Author Topic: xmas alone  (Read 916 times)

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lionne

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Re: xmas alone
« Reply #15 on: December 24, 2016, 08:58:47 PM »
Hey Cleo,
Happy Xmas to everyone!
Am wishing you and your kittens a snuggly Xmas morning!
There is a lot of build-up to Xmas when in a job.  I'm happy not to be working this Xmas (my choice because too much DIY), and it was so much less pressurised because of that.  Someone sent me a msg about "tomorrow Boxing Day" this morning and I went, "ooh I forgot, it's Xmas Day and I'm supposed to go out for tea".  My maddest Xmas, but least horrible also.
We do this small thing of hosting tea for Xmas in my street amongst people who haven't gone away for Xmas.  There's a some awkward conversations amongst people who don't know each other well, but it works for me.  Just tea/ alcohol and cakes :not too much ceremonial.
Xmas Day is always a little boring because I have no car and there's no public transport for just this one day.  Staying over with other people would be an ordeal.
Wishing Experimental a happy day with AirbnB!

Lili is a bit sad, but we are committed to getting more of the type of social life that we would like.  We also just got new heating installed.  It was a battle/ and still ongoing as plumber caused some problems/ but house is warm for the first Xmas ever.  Because of all that we are resting from struggling socially, but knowing what we want to work towards step by step.

Cleo... you sound so terribly sad, deeply sad.  I think I would drink if I enjoyed being drunk more than I do: it blanks out the pain.  Tell us how it goes with your dad?

Lionne
"Every week he chose to open his eyes, to live another day in the world.  He did it when he was feeling so awful that the pain seemed to transport him to another state in which everything seemed to fade. He had such hope, and faith that his hope might be rewarded."  Hanya Yanagihara: A Little Life

Dido

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Re: xmas alone
« Reply #16 on: December 25, 2016, 01:54:58 AM »
Glad you made it cleo, I hope you're doing ok. It's the middle of Xmas day here & I'm happily reading my book & listening to the radio. Had to manage phone calls from my foo this morning, v distressing but that's over for another year. Wishing you (and me) better things for 2017. Hugs if ok.

Dido

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Re: xmas alone
« Reply #17 on: December 25, 2016, 01:57:37 AM »
Happy xmas Lionne, I like the sound of your street together - contact without the commitment.

Wren

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Re: xmas alone
« Reply #18 on: December 25, 2016, 02:32:57 AM »
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanza or whatever you choose to celebrate!

I heard a "bit" between two people on the radio - went like this "What are you doing?"  "Finishing packing then off to Atlanta for Christmas."  "I'm sure your family is eager to see you."  "Yes, they are calling and asking when I will get there." 

Normally alone on holidays because I have no family of which to speak.  The two persons that I do have see their "other side of family" during holidays.  I'm normally OK with being alone but after hearing the interchange above it made me realize that I have NO ONE that wants to see me!  For whatever reason I that really hurt.  It is true and I will just need to deal with that reality.

I feel OK.  I put up my tree this year and put a wreath on my front door.  I'm OK but realizing that "no one wants to see me" or "is looking forward to seeing me" really stings.  I'm OK - I'll go to work, make money, try my best to be a good person and move on but that realism that "no one wants to see me for Christmas" really hurts.

As I said - I will try to be a good person, keep a job, go to therapy and try to live my life the best way possible.

I might be a tad emotional because I went for a skin cancer check and they found "Melanoma" on my ear!  Melanoma is SCARY stuff.  It is all taken care of and the last mohs surgery showed clean margins but I had another form of cancer in 1997 and was alone and here it is in late 2016 and still alone.  Again, will do my best and move forward.  I realize that I failed to build the necessary "family" that others are enjoying now so I do have to "own" my isolation.  I'm OK - like I said I'll move on and hopefully make better decisions in the future.

Best wishes to all.




cleo

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Re: xmas alone
« Reply #19 on: December 25, 2016, 04:31:05 AM »
Thanks Dido, happy christmas to you too. Getting a cottage sounds lovely. I have thought about it, but have never tried it.

Wren, I can really relate to how you feel, I feel that way too. You have us here. I know it's hard to carry on and be so alone.

Lionne I hope you enjoy your tea.

I'm okay, starting to feel some relief it is almost over.

experimental

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Re: xmas alone
« Reply #20 on: December 25, 2016, 06:58:44 PM »
Hey. Just checking in here. I exceeded my phone data and now I'm out all day with limited battery so that's kinda hard. I like the connection to the internet, in a wholesome way lol.

Cleo sorry to hear that you're feeling so poorly :( :( ... sending care and thoughts to you. You're not alone here.

My solo holiday has gone well actually. It's Boxing Day evening here. I'm about to meet up with a friend. It's the friend I sometimes post about who's also multiple and we have a complicated history so it could be complicated... but I'm glad for the bond nevertheless and know nothing can take that away. Even bad relationships have good that is real lol. And I'm better now at looking after myself.

Just met with my cousin too. Can't type much now but it was good.

Yesterday Xmas day I just stayed at "home" at the Airbnb place and walked to the beach and back. Yes it's a vacation I actually booked. Shops were closed at this beachside town and I ate a sandwich on the beach and coloured in a book from McDonald's (lol trusty corporates...) and napped and meditated.

I emailed my mum and will dapple with forgiveness. Idk, it's Christmas :p

I'm on holiday for 2 more days before returning home for a few more days before work.

missatoo

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Re: xmas alone
« Reply #21 on: December 26, 2016, 05:57:11 AM »
we sort of have Boxing Day here in US as Christmas was on Sunday this year. :)

you remind me that i'm grateful I have family to love, and to buy for, and do not take that for granted, as much stress as it also is, it gives me some meaning and some purpose. and then I also go bonkers with it too, so I will own what I own.

thinking of all you today and wishing you peace. and grateful we have some togetherness here where we understand each other far more.




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