Author Topic: Clinical perspectives on MPD  (Read 2778 times)

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experimental

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Re: Clinical perspectives on MPD
« Reply #15 on: June 07, 2016, 01:10:48 AM »
heh, missatoo... rather than reassure me that T is safe this book is showing me what Ts have been lacking. No not 'unsafe' like abusive, but it's like, so many throwaway comments that capture all my struggles with Ts. and that i wasn't wrong to feel and see it. and that i was right to trust my instincts the most. and to not let them hold me back, and to kick up a fuss if needed. whatever it takes to stay true to myself and my parts. i say 'my' parts now not because they are a part of me but because im guarding them all. i can guard them all cos these people in here have the strengths that i have been looking for. there's a lot of diversity and differences in the book, and i dont always agree or think of it the same way, and that reminds me that my experiences and my opinions have a place too, without having to fight against the T or be in conflict with things. it is so honest and direct like these people literally sat down and wrote it. which is, i mean, i don't feel that way when i read things written in recent years and i have accumulated quite a bit of clutter in my mind i guess. i dunno, sorry, i am being kinda self-absorbed-rambly here. im glad people can see. i dunno if thats like, wrong to say about 'experts'. but you can hear the personal experience and attempt to describe things in their own voice, and it reminds me that my experiences and self-descriptions are not wrong and is every bit as valid. and that i shouldn't have to reduce or change it to fit the world. and that makes all the difference.

i do have to shift gears to read it though. it's, the singleton-ness is astounding lol. and the psychiatry.

and if Anon is reading... Anon, it made me think of you, i dont know why, my heart is like heavy and emotional and i'm thinking of you when i read it. And i dont have words for anything i can name or say. but just the breadth of all that you've been through, somehow i'm reminded of it. just know im sitting in a library here in australia like, with my heart going out to you. i dunno.

It's been good to see the origins of some things too. It clears my head and gives me perspective (lol pun not intended) for where things have come from. and peace for all the ways its been misquoted or whatever.

lionne, hey i know what you mean about having a book that's a bridge to the awfulness that other people don't see. i wish its more acceptable to talk about in real life but it's hard to get that same kinda tone. it feels more real. esp the war thing.... that's a bit of a world history / humanity perspective too isn't it? i miss that, i feel very insulated in the city i live in.
i miss cindy too. hope she's still around and stuff. hi cindy if you're reading.
hm, i dont feel different for being multiple anymore. it's the substance inside the book for sure, not the title. though come to think of it, MPD has a kind of bah-humbug-ness to it that DID doesnt ;D ...and actually a lot of the writing do too. it kind of brings me out of my bubble of trauma a bit and places me more outside in the world, kind of. that's not why the book is mattering to me though. the book is grounding because it is so perceptive and honest for something that had no frameworks to ride off at the time of writing. it helps me forgive all the T-stuff i've been through lol. forgive as in let go, come to peace with.


experimental

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Re: Clinical perspectives on MPD
« Reply #16 on: June 07, 2016, 12:30:57 PM »
not one single person let me down in there. and that's a lot of people. if you count them. around the number of Ts ive seen, LOL.
and i realised, i didnt come to read this book because it's a key book with 'mpd' in the title. i didnt come to read it cos the people were special either. i came cos i kind of glimpsed and saw what is to be seen here. and it means that it is right and possible. it restored a lot for me. 'rightness of the world' kinda thing.

you guys i see a lot of your struggles in here too. it's hard to see with the language and stuff but it's in here, as far as i can see.

and if i came to glimpse it then that is a wealth there. hey lionne i think ur word 'rich in my Ts' got in my head there. a wealth of knowing how things should be. and everything that didnt work had been things that held me back. not that necessarily everything in here would have "worked well" with me, some probably not, but never did i feel scared or oppositional or scrambling-to-explain like when things are going wrong.

i havent read the references to wilbur yet i dont think i can handle it right now. but ive read most of the rest of it.
if someone does read it, note the cases in here are really psychiatric too and i wouldn't have related to the people some years ago.... but now i think i do and i am more able to let go of the surface differences and see all the stuff that we all share.

i mean on the bad side that goes to show everyone who didnt make it into these descriptions and probably those who were getting by okay didnt get noticed. but still. im just gonna insulate myself a bit and ignore all the stupid out there.
plus it's what babies do - they are insulated :P so it's legit.


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Re: Clinical perspectives on MPD
« Reply #17 on: June 07, 2016, 01:38:23 PM »
And there's an amazing consistency in how i feel about the names.... like, before i read anything i had an impression of how i feel at the sight of some of these names. i dont know what from, probably from when they were quoted somewhere else. and it was good to discover that the feeling or impression has stayed consistent after reading. so it's like: theres a rhyme and reason in this. trust those instincts. none was bad, it was from "meh" to "eeeee!"

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Re: Clinical perspectives on MPD
« Reply #18 on: June 08, 2016, 02:17:38 PM »
this book is showing me what Ts have been lacking. No not 'unsafe' like abusive, but it's like, so many throwaway comments that capture all my struggles with Ts.

oh I am sure that they do - I have read books and been like 'wish T did that!' as if they could capture or understand something that T could not. and it is emotionally frustrating. 

I guess it is the 'well-meaningness' I can relate to.

for me, I think being somewhere in-between, these books cant capture it for me. the parts yes, the other stuff such as how it all works, not for me. that is just me though. but then again, when I read books years later, some things stand out for me that never did before.

it is a strange but gratifying moment when something resonates.

though I am reading a bunch on avoidance right now- that is so much clearer to me than ever!


Truths needing to be heard but maybe not fact.

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Re: Clinical perspectives on MPD
« Reply #19 on: June 12, 2016, 04:40:42 PM »
missatoo, yeah it's hard. i've been doing a thing where i or parts pop out to take the thing i like, then pop back in. it's taken practice to be able to do this, or to believe it's a valid thing to do. but if you like it then there's a legitimate reason for that and you can take it as yours. they'd pass it thru your T to you if they could.

i'm in-between too. i often think i sound more multiple than i am in some of my posts here. often when i read this stuff things click on an intellectual level that doesn't directly apply to me. im not sure how similar or different we'd be to each other though.... i mean there are all sorts of variations between people. but i find that as we become more comfortable with being multiple and having multiple truths, parts recognise themselves more and can "tag onto" things that are described for more distinct systems. sometimes the logic becomes clearer when things emerge. also, sometimes "i" might not see it but part has already held onto something, a little tidbit that makes sense.

i am avoidant too. everything is avoidance-based with me... i am trying to move the other way.

Anon i realised why i thought of you.... i think its cos u echoe of this time period sometimes.... and i was just feeling/thinking of all the stuff you lived through during the development and evolution of this material. it's, i dunno, a lot. it's got a depth and echoeyness beyond the surface.


the book also reaffirmed some of the legitimacy with old t and added to how things makes sense. he knew hardly any of the stuff Ts are meant to know with DID people and it was hard and disconcerting to me when new Ts i met criticised him so harshly and wrote him off like a dud unethical illegitimate T. while not proving to be a better alternative for me. i've already come to terms with most of what he "didnt do right", but in here i saw the legitimacy of being able to see and address what is in front of you in the client. this was before the safetynet of all the stuff that came after this book.

there's also a kind of cool condescension (says the most condescending client ever, sorry) when bad cases are described in a short paragraph of what not to do, and to me i always hear an undertone of "i told you so. and you didnt listen. welp look what happened." which i find really satisfying LOL.... just the aloofness of it, it grounds me better in the big picture and in recognising this as a shared battle and that i am amongst many. i can only glimpse at the pain and turmoil that must have taken place and would take a different in-depth shape here on these forums. some sound like seriously heartbreaking hope-crushing things. but there is sense in it all. kind of. so i'm, i dunno, i feel less alone. and it kind of removes or balances out the bewilderment and exasperation i felt at snooty-t who acts like a consultant of all Ts and talks so much with so much confidence and clarity but it didn't help me or seem right to me. now i see why.

also i duno if Me is here anymore but every time i posted with her my mind expands.

it's been a long road and a weird one.... still haven't got my head around it...... but all the Ts and various mishaps all formed part of the picture. i'd like to think it gives me perspective to be stronger too.

i dunno i also realised i tend to post 'strong' things since quitting T but some days im really discouraged and depressed and i dont post then.