heh, missatoo... rather than reassure me that T is safe this book is showing me what Ts have been lacking. No not 'unsafe' like abusive, but it's like, so many throwaway comments that capture all my struggles with Ts. and that i wasn't wrong to feel and see it. and that i was right to trust my instincts the most. and to not let them hold me back, and to kick up a fuss if needed. whatever it takes to stay true to myself and my parts. i say 'my' parts now not because they are a part of me but because im guarding them all. i can guard them all cos these people in here have the strengths that i have been looking for. there's a lot of diversity and differences in the book, and i dont always agree or think of it the same way, and that reminds me that my experiences and my opinions have a place too, without having to fight against the T or be in conflict with things. it is so honest and direct like these people literally sat down and wrote it. which is, i mean, i don't feel that way when i read things written in recent years and i have accumulated quite a bit of clutter in my mind i guess. i dunno, sorry, i am being kinda self-absorbed-rambly here. im glad people can see. i dunno if thats like, wrong to say about 'experts'. but you can hear the personal experience and attempt to describe things in their own voice, and it reminds me that my experiences and self-descriptions are not wrong and is every bit as valid. and that i shouldn't have to reduce or change it to fit the world. and that makes all the difference.
i do have to shift gears to read it though. it's, the singleton-ness is astounding lol. and the psychiatry.
and if Anon is reading... Anon, it made me think of you, i dont know why, my heart is like heavy and emotional and i'm thinking of you when i read it. And i dont have words for anything i can name or say. but just the breadth of all that you've been through, somehow i'm reminded of it. just know im sitting in a library here in australia like, with my heart going out to you. i dunno.
It's been good to see the origins of some things too. It clears my head and gives me perspective (lol pun not intended) for where things have come from. and peace for all the ways its been misquoted or whatever.
lionne, hey i know what you mean about having a book that's a bridge to the awfulness that other people don't see. i wish its more acceptable to talk about in real life but it's hard to get that same kinda tone. it feels more real. esp the war thing.... that's a bit of a world history / humanity perspective too isn't it? i miss that, i feel very insulated in the city i live in.
i miss cindy too. hope she's still around and stuff. hi cindy if you're reading.
hm, i dont feel different for being multiple anymore. it's the substance inside the book for sure, not the title. though come to think of it, MPD has a kind of bah-humbug-ness to it that DID doesnt
...and actually a lot of the writing do too. it kind of brings me out of my bubble of trauma a bit and places me more outside in the world, kind of. that's not why the book is mattering to me though. the book is grounding because it is so perceptive and honest for something that had no frameworks to ride off at the time of writing. it helps me forgive all the T-stuff i've been through lol. forgive as in let go, come to peace with.